不满意

营结束了

5个小时的车程回到家

不知是否是过于疲累

心情突然有些低落

回想起营中的表现

老实说

不满意自己今年的表现

我要求过高？

不，我真的怯场了

我卡

我不知道自己在说什么

临时的任务，我少了那突来的灵感

反应变慢思维变慢

不正常作息的后遗症?

不够精神的结果？

不知道

只知道我不满意。

sick..

arghhhhhhhhhh.............

take in panadol again, the continuously third day of taking panadol~

i dont want sick!!

feel bad.

feel very weak.

the camp is going to start tomorrow!

i cant sick!

must get well and recover from this hell situation!!

sleep.

good luck to dandelion and me.

night.

那寓意

我不知道是什么原因，总觉得一切都有个寓意。

临晨两点多，在电脑前发呆，想着要做些什么，想找些文章灵感
发呆着，电脑左按按右按按。点击了那日的图片。
当日爬山时拍的，原是作为一个叙别

爬山，你那第一次经验应该是献给我吧？与富，春，我。
当时的你没爬山的经验，少运动，总觉得那可能是个不可能的任务。但最终，还是抵达了山顶。没有不可能的任务

而当日爬山半途折返，是否寓意着什么。
我们都好像被寓意着，像是一切都已被安排。每一次的寓意，都是巧合？
前年报章上的8月29日，一个典型的例子

世事总有两极，这时的折返未必不好，未必是坏事。
总有一天，必能王者归来般重达顶峰

虽然暂看不见前路，但曙光仍在。

要抵达对岸，先要克服对摇晃没安全感的吊桥。
不能总望着。踏出第一步

克服了曾经的恐惧，还有何畏。一个胜利的姿势，做为始端

一个没有edit过的照片，拍照时也不知情
重看回，太阳的影子中
我看到了个“心”型
当日是520


到了一个阶段，生命总有弯曲的时候


一个微笑，面对即将到来的千百个挑战


路途的坎坷，但只有自身能克服




累时，休息。静静的，对着一样事物，发呆，沉思


那是木，那是双木，那是林


水中倒影



不须掩饰表情，但须小心踏上每一步


过程的艰辛，但成果是值得的


别以为难受时，能独自一人躲在一角


感觉像是自拍照？那不是。感觉一路上你是独自一人？其实不然


踏过了那重重的阶梯，终有一日，你还是能到达顶峰


健康的体魄是成功者的必备。记得健康


不管是何处，无论是走上坡还是走下坡，


there is always a person watching ur success in the distance

whatever it is happening

never stop from finding your personal legend
never stop from pursuing your dream.

加油，蒲公英。加油，德祥

离第一届蒲公英领袖培训营只有5天~
好快好快。

加入蒲公英的第二年，有幸能够有个让我学习与实践的舞台。
去年的轰轰烈烈，使我今年有莫大的压力。
去年能够激昂起一千多人，没有什么能比这时成功。

人在一次的成功后，都会想停止，把最美好的留下来，因为害怕下一次的失败。

而5天后需要主持与带动三百多人，我不知我还可否有这能力
我还没准备好。只剩4天。

时间表必须要跟着走，也须跟进自己与别人的进展

今年身负多项任务，包括台前幕后，我很像还没做好完善的准备
今年的营会，只许成功
而我， 也不能有任何失败的机会

预祝第一届蒲公英领袖培训营顺利圆满的举行

加油，蒲公英
加油，德祥

都是一份感动。。。

每一个抉择。

每一个感情。

每一份牺牲。

每一份付出。

都是一份感动。。。

我在我生活中，看到了许多的感动。

无私的付出，无怨地牺牲，真挚的感情，莫大的勇气，做出各各令人感动的抉择。

在你们身上看到的。也只有你们，才能让我看到这些感动。

阳光对种子说：“只要你能茁壮地成长，努力地盛开，漂亮幸福地活着。我会继续散发我的光与热能来协助你。我的每一份付出牺牲，来照耀你，都是值得的。”

=)

520--20th of May

i love nature.

went for climbing today. gunung lambak.

although we made our way back before reaching half hill

but the process was enjoying.

taking lots beautiful photos..

having lunch at Barney western restaurant

food quite ok

a nice memory.

perhaps a nice farewell too.

wherever you are , you will have my blessing.

it was 20th of May.

lots of people calling this day as "520" in FB

520? ha. make it a memory.

a new life for me going to start.

my schedule is going to be very packed after this.

Enjoy~

The mindset

"Get a good result", everyone want it.

"Fail in exam", nobody want it.

But, how to get a good result?

what is the proper mindset have to be made?

For some people, the mindset is set as "i can't fail! i cant affected by any! focus!'

or "i must get a good result!"

I know every person will have different point of views. I would say, i'm only sharing my own views. If any of you feel bad of this post, just ignore it or may be you can share me your's in the comment part.

i'm not considered as a good student, but isn't bad too if in term of result.

"study", i define it as an act and path to gain knowledge.

"enjoy reading and studying, keep the desire of gaining knowledge all the time" will be my mindset while I going to prepare and sit for exam.

When the right mindset is made, it do help you a lots. Especially when facing those important exam. It wont be a stress anymore whereas it become an impetus which boost you forward.

The best performance of yours is when the stress is completely transformed to impetus.

if u set ur mind to "i cant fail" as preparing for each tests, what will you feel when you are studying or revising? You are getting nervous and nervous because of you scare to fail, and the anxiety created inside your heart will make you cant even "absorb" any single word. By this, the anxiety grow even deeper and deeper and finally you will collapsed. All the earlier preparations and efforts done are all in vain.

The earlier motive of giving yourself pressure ruined and the outcome turn another way around with which your early expectation.

Stress can steer you , it can ruin you also if there is too much and wrong way of using it.

Right mindset, is then so vital in driving you succeed.

"Enjoy reading and studying, keep the desire of gaining knowledge in the field you step in."

my recommended mindset of studying.

the backpacker

On Monday,I been to kl to attend a meeting for the PGY youth leadership training camp held on next Saturday.

about 8smtg just i reached kl, and went for a dinner which took us 2hours for only searching the location of the restaurant dim sum.luckily the dim sum tasted quite ok==

yup, a special and too a meaningful day for me, because i had my first try that day !!!

: acted to be a backpacker!(stayed one night alone in a dormitary)

"pondok lodge"- a budget hostel where i went to few years ago with my classmates.

there are single, double or dormitary(4 ppl per room) room. i selected to stay in dorm because the thought of knowing and chat with backpackers struck me.

when the time i walked to my room, i was so excited and curious about what kind of people i was going to meet?? It is around 2am in the midnight when i checked in to my room. i was so embarrassed that the roommate of mine was awaken by me at that time just to open the door for me.(he locked the door from inside)

he was a foreigner.

he continued his sleeping after that, no conversation was made.

the night, it can be said that i wasted RM25 to stay at there, because i was having insomnia, cant fall asleep.

it was about 7 , he woke up for bath and breakfast. at the meantime, i was so tired and stay lying on bed, pretending i m sleeping. The conversation was heard, it was in english, few men and women's voices. Sure all the backpackers were chatting. it was what a impetus for me to wake up, but i was not. i was too tired and meeting will start at 10, i had to rest.

on 8am, finally rose up my body. he walked in, a soft and gentle "good morning" was made by him. yup, "good morning".

"sorry for yesterday night, disturbing you from sleeping" i started the conversation.

"is ok..... is ok,not a big problem." a slow,soft and polite voice in return.

"where are u from" i asked

"o.. i am from Europe. what about you?"

"i am a malaysian," feel funny when answered this,haha. A malaysian backpacking in malaysia??haha. because most backpackers are foreigner

"i come from johor. do u know where is it"

"Johor? is it near Singapore?" wow! i was surprised when i heard this! he was so familiar with here!

we continued our topic about Malaysia. This was actually the third time he came to malaysia.

He actually been to many places already. Pinang,KL,Melacca,Sandakan,kinabalu,singapore,,.........

He even shared with me which place is nice, he loved where and dot dot dot.......

Wow, can i say he is just like a Malaysian even than me? A foreigner introduced to a Malaysian about Malaysia!!! What a shame!haha.

then we talked about his country. I was blurred actually, dont know what he was talking about. because all are the places' name ==

He is in middle age i guessed, with partially white colour hair.

why a middle age people will travel or backpacking alone?where is her wife? i wondered.

"do you have a family?" i questioned, out of curiousity.

"nope" he answered. (i was just like, "oppps!am i asking the wrong question??")

"no family also good. i can go travel, go to visit many places i want to go." (felt relief, luckily he doesnt feel bad of my question).

conversation was continued with cost of travelling, studies, job, handphone, ipad, dslr, and what he did in malaysia for these few days, bla bla bla......

He was a technician, dealing with those IT stuff last time. He was so familiar too with the IT products. He talked about nokia when saw my nokia 5800. He told he was going to buy samsung pad instead of ipad2 when i mentioned the ipad2 because samsung one can support the external keyboard while i pad cant. His DSLR was stolen when the previous visit to malaysia.(OMG) He said he used to go swimming in china town(although i dont know where there is a swimming pool in china town). He used to walk to reach the destination or take lrt if it is far. (He knew where to take lrt and monorail. He knew pavillion, low yat, time square those! wow! when the first time i been to kl last few years, i dont even know where i was at and what is around and how to go!)

the time was approaching 930am, i had to leave for the meeting in pj.

i leave a note on his table, written that

"very nice to meet you, and a nice experience chatting with you. i have to go. if u have FB, just add me. siang lim."

Taking my camera out, took some picture of the hostel,and street. it was really a nice experience chatting with those backpacker. you can know their culture, country , their life.

When is my next time??XD

pondok lodge

third floor of the building. click the door bell and wait the person in charged to open door for ou

the counter's look like

4th floor living room

the backpacker luggages and bed

my messy stuff

place to have breakfast

the breakfast is included in RM25

sure i need to in the camera

well, lost a chance to take a photo with him=(

backpacking is not that easy as what you think

many aspects need to be counted-- the 1st thing sure is ur safety, as you are going out alone, meeting with many unknown person.

i did worry about my safety too, and my properties like car, camera, wallets those...

backpacking is every enjoyable for some, but remember be a wise backpacker.

what happen to my blog?

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cant sign in, cant access for this few days, what happen to it??!

now can only using my laptop which have the saved link to direct access to "new post"

blogger! fix it now!

guilt and apology

there are sure somethings make you feel guilty in your life, and perhaps is because of the unmade apology.

In my case, too i owe ppl lots of apologies.

and the "debts" buried in our heart, become a wall which had prevented us from a better interaction, better relationship.

the "debts" need to be cleared~

the unmade apology have to be made.

in life process, every person undergo immaturity, and do stupid thing in that period.

being impulsively, being aggressively, like done all the thing without consideration without using brain. Or in a simplest way to describe, they are just "brainless".

after pass through that period, the guilt slowly inbuilt in a person. you will found out how stupid you were at that time, in dealing with some simple problem.

If you solved with another way, things would change.

But, time make people grow and mature, make people feel apologetic.

at this time , an apology have to make. it is just simple as saying "i love you" to ur love one.

"i'm sorry." just that simple to people who u feel guilty to them.

today, i just said "i'm sorry" to a friend of mine..who we having some misunderstanding last two years. wow, it is what a relief now. let's break the wall!

if you feel guilty to some one, dont forget to make an apology

Damn it, blogger

for the whole day, i cant access into blogger, cant sign in to it.

and now, it seems to back to normal. i can sign in and write a new post

" it seems to" only.

i found out my latest post gone! lost!!

is it they lost the group of data during their maintenance session?

if is so, shouldn't them give an apologized notice or email to us about that?

u know what , like ur dairy notes being tore suddenly by an unknown without notifying you!

what would be your feeling at that time?!

my last post with the title "you have my blessing", is gone.

although it was not what important article, but i have no any copy of that. That was my feeling written at just the time. What online blogging for? For the ppl to write out and share their thought their feeling, for those who is lazy to do dairy by written.

i m waiting if there any apology will be done by blogger. Or they just will leave it like nothing happen. This is the basic responsibility of the server should have. And this is too the basic right of a client about their data.

If there is no, i would say,

Damn It, blogger!

you have my blessing

well, having serious flu now. sneezing non stop for this two days. it is damn suffering. nose is "jam". need to use mouth to breathe. And something funny, i felt like choked when eating(bcos my mouth was too busy to breathe...)==

is it some one missing me so much? make me sneezing all the time?? XD

(ooopppsss,perhaps some ppl will say "tak perasaan kah?")

haha

getting an offer, is that happy event or sad event?

feel happy for getting the dream coarse which u pursue for

feel sad for having financial problem that make urself struggling of accept the offer.

yup, it needs a huge money to study that. I know u r feeling complicated now.

since when furthering studies seemed to become a "game" for rich person?

"you are rich, u can go wherever whenever, taking whatever coarse, enrolling to whatever Uni u want to, especially private U and medic coarse"

"if u r having financial problem, even if u get the offer from top Uni in the world,but without scholarship, u also need to struggle whether accept it or not. even it is a precious chance."

this is what the reality we have to face with.

But ppl who is not able to support themselves for the fees can still pursue their dream, only the time consumed is longer than others. There is no way giving up, if u found that is really ur dream.

i m glad that at least u informed me about ur application and the offer u get.

i know you can make a wise decision after contemplating which is suitable for ur condition.

only urself know urself the most.

whatever the outcome is, whatever the future be, i just want to let u know

you have my blessing

"if you really want something, all the universe always conspire in your favor." --quoted from "the Alchemist"

all the best to you.

bless you.

THE RITE-《仪式》

after knew how to search and download movie from internet, i m now start to download and watch at least one movie a day.

it is kind of enjoy. i can select the movie i want to download. not like what previous did, asked from friends for what they download and took all. which was just wasting my pc space as most of the movies weren't nice.

a nice movie download site to introduce: dygod.net

may be most of urs knew it already. i am so outdated. isn't it?

just downloaded and watched one movie

it is "THE RITE"

a kind of horror movie. (perhaps it is, for some people. it is still ok for me.)

it is what a excited to watch such kind of movie in midnight. which saying about the religion, sins and holy, the priest, the faith in GOD.

its main core is the EXORCISM !

(be an atheism, i'm quite interested in this type of rite and culture.)

Science and God, which you believe?

在一些宗教内所相信的驱魔仪式。

想了解这戏的内容，你们要自己的下载看了。

鬼神，我不大相信。因为都是没科学根据。

在现代中的中邪，对我来说是一种个人内潜在的压抑。它与宗教有关。一个从小就接触宗教，被灌输宗教教育、礼节、历史、文化的人，对于宗教持着信念，开始相信他的信仰他的神。身可以战胜一切（god can defeat all）.一些宗教的文化，有神就有鬼，有上帝就有恶魔。被恶魔附身的故事被传之下来。一旦一人的信念破灭（怀疑他的神不能保护他 ），就会以为他自身被侵袭，被鬼附身（中邪）。可能“鬼上身”的案例从小就被听闻， 所以潜移默化地植入潜意识内。在爆发时做出所有听闻中被附身的行为。

我曾经亲身经历过。在湖边办一个活动时，一个巫裔学院被“附身”。当时她是属于昏睡状态。接触的华裔工委以为是昏倒，把她搬到一旁以晕倒的个案处理。一位马来教师前来，知道发生了什么事。他是位巫师。在巫裔学员的耳边像是念经，就与电影中一样，那学员突然大喊，在那挣扎！陷入歇斯底里。一位男工委向前压着他，被她弹开。她只是名瘦小的小女孩却有本事弹开

一名运动建将。

真实案例在我面前演出。如果问我如何看这件事，我还是一样的说法。这是潜意识中的爆发。一个在极度害怕情况下的爆发。因为当时我们在进行着夜行"jalan malam"。把营员的眼蒙着，把他们单一放在阴暗的地方。

我现今还是个无神论者

以我的角度，还是觉得，当一个人信念（对于信仰）破灭，觉得他们的上帝不能保护他们，就会开始有信仰崩溃的知觉，使他们陷入不自觉被灌输至脑中的行为--被附身后的行为，之后陷入所谓的歇斯底里。

你的看法是什么？

当事情不能以科学的角度证明，我还是无法相信他的真实性。

而躯魔，只是一种宗教背后的文化，一种信仰，一种仪式。

strangers, again

stage1: meeting

stage2: the chase

stage3: honeymoon

stage4: comfortable

stage5: tolerance

stage6: downhill

stage7: breaking up

stages in a relationship..

it is so true..

at least, in my case...

from meeting...chasing... honeymoon... comfortable... tolerance.....to the downhill..... until the end, breaking up....

what to say?just like I m the one in the video? i m watching us in the video?

****

can say it was about three years i be with you

from doing homework together when we were in secondary school..it was when our love sparkling..chit-chating while revising in ur house...hang out together every evening..longai and starting our non-stop chatting....i love the moment we chat. i was totally enjoyed in it.

did the last minute preparation for the exam.. it was what a crazy fun and excited moment..i miss that period.

first time working experience in my life, it was together with you.. from searching jobs,interview, being approved and started working in same company.

the christmas present u gifted to me, that was what a sweet moment.

we took the results together, we got the same result, a totally same grade results, and only we two. we started planning for future, for tertiary studies, and we stepped into the same coarse in same college...

the life in the college began. we lived together. the stage of comfortable began.

the new life was stressful together with the city environments. the stress in studies n living, the environmental factors, time management, slowly invading me, driving my emotion turn worse and uncontrollable. it was the beginning of tolerance. i cant imagine how i was like at that time. it was sure terrible and unbearable. ya, i was really worse.

the first time i received your hand-made birthday present. the first time i received ur valentine' gift. and, there are still with me now.

downhill. the worst ever part... and finally breaking up.. just like what in the video..

***

i still remember the moment when you asked me "do you still love me?".

this few words still echoing in my ears until now...

i will give u a definitely YES if there is time machine can send me back to that moment.

ya. with no doubt, a loud loud yes. is it the ending will change?

things could be other way around, if i cope with other method.

as in the video, i feel thankful to have u in my life although the time we been together is not that long.

but, it is this time, this experience, this love, which make me grow and turn mature day after day.

it is this period, which make me realize what is love about and, how i was, where i need to improve

it is this love,

which make me know who i love deeply in my heart..

love needs no reason.

I have ChangeD.

***

i m a bit stubborn? may be a much?perhaps it is what capricorn mostly be.

the reason is clear. that is my life principle. you know it. no way.

before we love each other, before we met, before we came to same social circle,before we knew each other,

we were strangers.

and now we turn back to the most previous us-- strangers

strangers, again...

but i hope that, if some day, if .... we were turn back to friend, confidant, or even........

it may just only be when i'm dreaming...

end up with a song--"lucky"

I'm lucky that i'm in love with my best friend....

i'm learning

TH pronunciation

what i m learning

THank, noTHing, breaTHe, baTH

come have a try " tss..hhhhhhssss....."

why i cant make it??? like my tongue being tied a knot ? cant pronounce correctly....

Oh.. My.... Godness.......

It is so tough for me....

LEARNING needs PATIENCE...

yes, it is...

just need some more patience for me

i CAN

__________________________________

try my best in learning English.

em..

especially speaking and pronunciation, my weakest part!

have to adapt to the sg environment which the first language is English

If I cant communicate well using english, if i cant master english

em, it is definitely that i will be left behind.

As english is the just like a bridge connecting the world

the international language

i fail in mastering it, i will lost a lot of chances to explore, to expose.

learn with patient without blaming.

the first step is always the toughest one, as i always tell juniors.

yea, learn it without blaming, without giving up.

"thsssssssss....."

"put your tongue below ur teeth, push the air out above ur tongue..."

"dont be shy, dont be afraid of showing ur tongue"

emm, i m learning......

小角落

我，比较怀旧

房里挤满了我的“古董”

小学一年级的东西,我都还不舍得丢

房间，可能一年大扫不到五次吧

是心血来潮吗？还是已经受不了这杂乱的房间？

随便收了一下。

收拾这样的古董房

像是回顾了从前

幕幕"replay"在眼前

一些纪念性的卡片，纪念性的物品……

记载着我人生最重要的一刻，最终要的成长过程，最重要的回忆

不会摆设，不懂美观

收拾了个小角落

只知道这是属于我的小角落。

无题

每次想blogging时，看看时间，又是临晨四五点。

只好打消写部落的念头。不然又不用睡了

心里有许多矛盾与挣扎

关于升学

关于未来

关于我以后人生

因为之后的这一个决定，足以使以后的人生变得不同

如果问我人生是怎度过，我会说在作决定中度过。

每到了一个阶段，就需作一个重大的决定。

而每个决定，就意思着你之后将过着的人生。

自从考完试后，已持续了接近半年不健康的生活规律。

临晨四五点睡，下午两三点起。

何时才能调整回正常生活作息？

可能是因为我想拥有更多的私人空间，才会爷爷搞到那么迟睡吧。

一觉起身就是去店，到关店才能拥有自己的时间，这可能是原因之一。

迟睡熬夜，影响心脏，影响所有生理功能。

诺不尽快调整，我看我迟早完蛋。

新一期的RD,"BY-THE-CLOCK GUIDE TO BETTER LIVING"

正贴切于我。

但我何时还能开始去阅读？

英文，我多希望能尽快征服你！